The week from H-E-L-L

On Monday morning, I got to work and the teacher said to me, "I can tell this is going to be one of those days." It wasn't for me, but on Tuesday things really went downhill. Said teacher was at a conference from Tuesday until this afternoon (after school let out). Thank goodness he'll be back tomorrow because our sub obviously had no idea how to work with ED kids. And on Tuesday we had a new kid who I swear is the spawn of Satan. He, however, won't be here for the rest of the week because he was arrested on Tuesday night for disorderly conduct. So I think the combination of a new kid in class and a substitute teacher made the kids really really act up. It was terrible.

Then after I got home from work, my mom called and said that she and my dad were in the neighborhood and were going to stop by our house for a couple of minutes. I thought it was weird since they have no reason to be in our neighborhood, but I didn't inquire. When they walked in the house, I noticed that my mom's eyes were really red. That's when I knew something was wrong. She told me that her sister called her a little while ago and said that my cousin had had a heart attack. I was relieved when I heard that because I thought "Oh good, nobody died." My cousin is 32, a heart attack is horrible and a total shock, but not deadly for him. No way. So my first question was "Is he ok?" My mom started crying and my dad told me that he had died. WHAT?!?!?! No. That can't happen. He's too young. I'm shocked.

He was only two years older than my husband. I still have my doubts that it was a heart attack. That is so rare, although I know it does happen. He wasn't even overweight. I'll wait to draw my conclusions until the autopsy results come back, but I'm thinking that it was either an aneurysm or he had some sort of underlying heart condition that had gone undetected.

The rest of the week has been kind of a blur. Yesterday my aunt called me to ask if I'd sing at the funeral. I said yes, of course. There is no way I could have said no. My cousin was a mechanic and he always fixed my car for little or no cost. And my aunt always came to my recitals and musicals to hear me sing. I am so happy that I get to do this honor for them both. I am super nervous though. I haven't sang publicly in over 5 years! And I just know I'm going to choke up, but I don't think anyone will blame me if I do. I hope I can get through it. The funeral is on Monday, so I have all weekend to learn the songs.

This weekend can't come soon enough.

It's going to be an interesting week

The teacher I work with is going to be gone tomorrow thru Thursday, so he got a sub. Now, keep in mind that I work in a classroom with only emotionally disturbed kids, most of whom already have issues with authority. Add to this the fact that I will be working one-on-one with one of the kids in another room for the next three days, so this poor sub will have to be all alone. Not only that, but we're getting a new kid tomorrow too. We have no idea what this kid is like, but we've been told that he's very detached from other people and thinks of them more as objects. Should be an interesting week.

On another note, I've been having slight cramping ever since AF started. AF ended five days ago, and I'm still cramping. This scares me because it's never happened before. I also have been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately, although I don't know if the two are related. I am so terrified that there is something wrong with me that will hinder our ttc efforts, and this doesn't help.

My workout went really well today! I can't believe how much I am enjoying the cardio. I sort of want an iPod (well, a new one because my old one is crapping out) now so that I can listen to music while I work out. It just might go on my Christmas/birthday list. I have to combine the two since my birthday is the day after Christmas. But I digress. I think I am going to go to the gym tomorrow too, but just do cardio, no weights. I've actually gained three lbs. I'm not sure if this is because my eating sucks so bad or if I'm gaining muscle (I was able to add more weight to all the machines I did today except one!), I'm hoping the latter. My eating wasn't bad today. I guess I just have to take it one day at a time. I am totally motivated for my re-evaluation in 6 weeks! Then I'll find out if I'm losing body fat.

Snow, Snow, Go Away!

It snowed today! That's what I get for living in the frozen tundra of ND. Ugh. Luckilly, it melted shortly after. I hope it stays gone for Halloween. I used to hate having to wear snowpants under my Halloween costume.

I am SO tired today. For some reason, I could not fall asleep last night. I didn't end up getting to sleep until 2:30 am, and even then I did not sleep well. I don't know what's up, but I'm not liking it. Last night was the worst it's been, but I've been having trouble sleeping all week.

During my fit of insomnia last night, I decided to pick up a book that I've been "reading" for quite some time now. I started it over a year ago, and then a lot of stressful stuff happened and I stopped reading for quite some time. This is evidence that I am so much happier now. Since quitting my crappy job that I hated, I've been exercising, now I'm reading again, I feel like my relationship with my husband and my family has improved. Not one day goes by where I don't thank God that I got out of there when I did. I was so depressed.

Speaking of exercise, I can't wait to go to the gym tomorrow! Now if only I could get my eating under control. Having all this damn Halloween candy around isn't helping. Tomorrow I'm really going to start kicking myself in the butt. Wish me luck (and motivation)!

Personal Trainers & Cataracts

On Friday I had my first appointment with my personal trainer. It went well. She said she loves my positive attitude. I just hope it can stay positive. Yesterday after I got done working out, I felt so great. I can't believe that I am actually enjoying exercising. I've never been one of those people before. I am afraid, however, that this is just another phase and that it will pass. I will have to do whatever I can to keep motivated. Now I just need to get my eating on track. I do fine for breakfast and lunch, but then in the evening I totally blow it.

I also had an eye appointment yesterday. I found out that I have cataracts at 23. Not the same kind of cataracts that old people have though. The doc said that I was born with them (apparently he'd known about this for quite a long time and just never mentioned it before). When the lens is developing, it is in three sections, which go on to "sutcher" (his words) themselves together. Apparently, on my lenses, where these sections connect, I have some cloudyness. Technically, cloudyness on the lens is a cataract. Ipso facto, I have cataracts. He said that it doesn't affect my vision, and won't cause me to need cataract surgery any sooner than the average person. So I guess it's really no big deal.

I'm really enjoying my long weekend! It's gone too fast! I can't believe tomorrow is already Sunday!

Long weekend baby!

School was dismissed today at 1pm, and there is no school tomorrow or Friday! Yay for a long weekend! Oh how I love having a school schedule again. One of the many things that I love about my job. And DH works all weekend except Friday so I have the house to myself! I think I am going to rent a few Wii games and some chick flicks and just veg. Oh, and sleep in! I am definitely looking forward to it!

Fitness Evaluation

Ok, here's some backstory to this post:
I am overweight. I could stand to lose about 70 lbs (yikes). I was about 50 lbs lighter at my wedding, and I felt great, so if I could get back there I'd be thrilled.

Here's the rest:
Last month, I joined a gym with my mom. This gym requires you to have an initial fitness evaluation, and then you can be re-evaluated every once in a while to see your progress. The physical therapist (Jeff) did a body fat test (the pinch kind), some flexibility stuff, some heart rate related tests, etc... I felt like he was very thorough. He had another PT shadowing him (Jennifer) who had just been hired. They were both really really nice.

After he gave me my results, he asked me if there were any obstacles that I'd like to discuss. I told him that James and I are TTC, and I'm so glad I did. He told me that he'd research it more. Jennifer, however, needed to do no research. She told me that she was in the same position as me where she was TTC and trying to lose weight at the same time because they were having trouble. Jeff then handed me over to her because she knows exactly what I'm going through. My next appointment with her is on Friday. I am so happy about this because she will help me know what I should/should not do, what my HR should stay at, etc.

This cycle has been such an emotional roller coaster. I think I am a lot more emotional during this AF than any other I've had. We've only been trying for four cycles (this will be our fifth) and I know it's not that long, but then something will happen to scare the ever lovin' sh!t out of me, and then I'll think it's not a big deal again. For example, I had my annual exam and my nurse practitioner told me to see a doc if I haven't conceived after six months. That freaked me out. Then I found out that it took my mom almost a year to get pg with my brother, and I felt better. Then, today, after I told Jeff and Jennifer that we'd been trying since July, they both started telling me about each of their struggles with TTC. They really acted like four months was a long time and that I was having "trouble" getting pg. Then I was freaked out again. Plus, this is the first time that I really admitted that my weight could very well be the problem, and that makes me feel horrible.

My Intro

I decided to jump on the Google blog bandwagon! I don't really have much to say since I just updated my old blog, but this is where I'll be blogging from this point on. Here is a link to my past blogs: http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/blogs/rachaelnicole/default.aspx

Here are the things that I like to blog about:
Our ttc journey
Weight loss
Remodeling
Work
Money
Cooking
...and pretty much everything else that crosses my mind.

I just like to get my thoughts out! Thanks for reading!