My Crazy Thoughts

Birth Story

2009-08-04T23:38:00.006-05:00

Well, it's been 8 weeks since Isaac was born, and I haven't posted his birth story yet. I want to do it more for myself to remember than anything. Here it goes...

On Saturday, July 11th, James and I went to a bbq at our friends Cat & Joe's house. After we ate, the boys went outside and started a fire in the fire pit while Cat and I cut up some fruit, meat, and cheese for my shower that Cat was throwing for me the next day. Then we went and sat around the fire for a while. My feet were pretty swollen, and had been for weeks. Cat motioned for me to put my foot up on her lap, so I did. She started giving me a foot rub, pointing out that she was purposly rubbing the pressure points that are supposed to induce labor. Yeah right. Her husband said "Hey now, we don't want any babies right now." We all laughed and she put my foot down. Soon we decided that we should go home because we were all starting to get tired. It was midnight.

In the middle of the night, I woke up for a routine trip to the bathroom. I looked at my clock, it was 4:00 am. I was so comfortable, I didn't want to get up, but alas, I had to go. So I hoisted myself off the edge of the bed, and... uh-oh. I wet my pants, or so I thought. I ran to the bathroom and it wasn't until then that I realized that my water may have broken. Nah, we still had two weeks to go. Besides, most first time moms go past their due dates. There's no way I'd be lucky enough to go into labor two weeks early. But at our last doctor appointment, the Dr specifically said that some women come to L&D thinking their water broke, but they really just urinated, and not to be embarassed if that happened. So I woke James and told him what was going on. He said I probably peed, but if I wanted to go in we could. I decided it probably was nothing snd tried to go back to sleep.

After about an hour, I started feeling crampy, like I had a few days earlier. Then around 7am, I went to the bathroom again and found that I had lost my mucous plug. I woke James up and told him it I thought we should go in, just to be sure that it wasn't my water. So we both took a shower and went to the hospital.

We arrived at the hospital at 9am. By then I could tell that I was having contractions. Once the doctor confirmed that my water had broken with one of those testing strip thingies, I thought I better call my mom and let her know I wasn't going to make it to my baby shower. Then I called Cat and told her that her massage had worked! Also, my dad and brother were at the lake, so I called them to tell them I was in labor, and they packed up to head home.

They checked me and I was only dilated to two. After about three hours, they checked me again and I was still only dilated to two, so they started me on Pitocin. Then my contractions started getting really painful, and eventually they were coming only 30 seconds apart! A few more hours, they checked me again, three cm. The nurse knew I wanted an epidural, but said I couldn't have it until I was dilated to four, so we decided on Stadol for the time being. Another few hours passed, three and a half cm. At that point, I think the nurse felt bad for me and let me have my epidural. So the anesthesiologist came up and had me sign all the paperwork and then did her thing. The epidural worked perfectly... on the right half of my body. On the left, I could still feel every contraction. Crap. They kept checking me, and it was always the same old story. Four cm.

At about 10pm, they started giving me antibiotics because my water had been broken for so long. They had me moving around to different positions, and they couldn't keep the thing that monitered the contractions or the thing that monitored the babies hearbeat on me, so they put those two things on me internally. Around 11pm, they checked me one last time, and I was still only dilated to four. About a half hour later, the doctor came in and said "You know, 20% of women have their babies via c-section..." He said some more stuff after that, but I don't think I heard much of it. I really didn't want to have a c-section. It wasn't so important to me how baby got here as long as he was safe and healthy, but I didn't want the recovery required of a c-section. Then the OB/GYN that was going to do my c-section came in and talked to me about it. She told me the reasons why they thought I should have one, and the risks, etc... We talked about anesthesia, and they asked me "How comfortable are you with your epidural?" I told them that I could still feel the entire left side of my body, and that they were going to have to give me something else for the surgery. Then they all left the room and left me with my family. James, my mom, dad, and brother were all there. I cried and said I was scared, which made my mom cry. I am so glad I had such an amazing support system with me the whole time.

At midnight, they wheeled me into the OR. They gave James a pair of scrubs to wear, but he couldn't join me until later. They gave me a spinal instead of another epidural, and it completely numbed me from my chest down. I could barely feel my arms. I started to feel nauseous, so they brought me something to throw up in, but I could only gag because my heaving muscles were numb. James came in while I was gagging. They started working on me and soon told me I'd feel some pressure. I didn't. Then I heard it - the most beautiful sound I've ever heard in my life - the sound of my son crying.

Isaac James was born on July 13th, 2009 at 12:39am. He weighed 6lbs, 13 oz and measured 20 inches. The doctor held him up over the curtain so James and I could see him. I was so groggy, all I noticed was his dark hair and cone shaped head. Apparently his head was jammed into my cervix crooked, so the contractions were just jackhammering him against an opening that was not big enough to let him out. They took him over to the cart to clean him off and James went and cut the umbilicle cord. I remember looking over there and counting his fingers and toes. Haha!

They stitched me up (which took longer than expected because of some excess bleeding) and took me to the recovery room, where I spent the lonelies half hour of my life. I had just had a baby. My husband and family were all in the nursery getting to know him, and here I was, all by myself, numb from the chest down. Finally, James came in just in time to see me get sick all over my hospital gown. Then a nurse brought Isaac in to nurse. I was so groggy, numb, and exhausted from 20 hours of labor and surgery, that I hardly remember the next few hours. I know that the nurse pretty much did all the work. She held Isaac, and held my breast while he nursed. I simply couldn't do it. I think I even fell asleep while he was nursing.

Recovery was rough. I had some good nurses who made me get up and walk around. We stayed at the hospital for four more days and finally went home with our beautiful baby boy.

31 weeks

2009-05-26T12:39:00.002-05:00

Nine more weeks to go until my due date! I feel like I need more time!

It's 61 degrees in my house and I'm pretty sure our furnace isn't working. I have it set to 70 degrees, and it hasn't kicked on yet. Greeeaaaat. I shouldn't even need the furnace on May 26th for crying out loud!

The contractor is done. James has this whole week off of work to finish the bedroom. Our goal is to have it all completed at the end of this week or this weekend. Yay! We had another setback though. On Friday, the carpet installer that we usually use called and said he's backed up for a month! We don't have time for that! So I made some frantic phone calls to no avail. Everyone was already gone for the long weekend. I left some messages though, and this morning one installer called me back and said he could do it TOMORROW! Woohoo! And the price was very reasonable. So really, it only set us back a day or so.

On Wednesday we had a doctor appointment. A loooong one. We went in and I drank my Orange Crush for the glucose test. Then we saw the doctor for the appointment, heard baby's heartbeat, got some breastfeeding info, as well as some remedies for things I am experiencing/may be experiencing soon. He answered some questions, then we went and scheduled our next appointment and our L&D pre-registration and tour. After that, I did my UA and then we sat and waited for the rest of the time before I had to get my blood drawn. Good thing we both brought a book! Then, I got my blood drawn. They took three tubes - one for the glucose test, one to test my iron, and one for my antibody screen. After that, the nurse took us back so I could get my RhoGAM shot, since I'm RH negative. That shot hurt like heck! After the shot we had to wait in the waiting room for another 15 minutes to make sure I didn't have a reaction. While we were waiting, I was telling James how much it hurt and he said "You should have seen the size of that needle! It was like 4 inches long!" I didn't see it because the shot is given in the back/hip/butt area. Oh, and the nurse also gave us a nifty little mini diaper bag with some cool stuff in it like a pacifier, can of formula, etc.

On Friday, at 4:50 PM, I missed a phone call from the clinic. Crap. I am SO worried about getting gestational diabetes, so I was sure that they were calling to let me know that I failed my glucose test and had to come back to take the three hour test. I was so worried about it on Friday night that I was in tears! Luckilly, the second Gizmo heard me start to cry, he jumped up on my lap and cuddled with me :) It made me feel better. Anyway, today I called back and the nurse told me that my glucose test and antibody test were normal (yay!), but my hemoglobin is low, so the Dr. wants me to take an iron supplement (Ferrous Sulfate, 320 mgs) once a day. Sure, anemia isn't ideal, but I'll take that over gestational diabetes! So all in all, pretty good news.

Alright, I better go make lunch for James and myself. We've been busy working on the room all day! I haven't even had a chance to shower yet today!

28 week update

2009-05-03T10:57:00.003-05:00

Well, I'm 28 weeks pregnant! This is starting to feel very real. James and I were driving in the car the other day, and he randomly said to me, "Wow. I'm going to be somebody's dad." I know exactly how he feels. I mean, I've always had a mom and dad, but I've never been one before! Haha! It's an amazing feeling though. I can't possibly imagine what I'll be feeling the first time I get to see/hold my baby. I just know it will be amazing and I am SO looking forward to it.

We currently (finally) have a contractor working on the master bedroom right now. Finding someone to do it has been quite an ordeal. The first guy came to look at the room, told us he'd send us an estimate, and then never did. We waited three weeks for him after already getting a late start to even calling anyone. So on to the next guy. He came to see the room, then sent us an estimate about two weeks later. Then we called him to say that we wanted to hire him. He called back and told us that he had a project to finish and then was going on vacation, so he couldn't even tell us when he could start for three weeks. This guy came highly recommended, so we waited for him. Then, about a month later, he called and said that he still didn't know when he could start. When I asked him if he would be able to have it finished by the end of May, he said, "That's pushing it." It's not that big of a project. A month and a half should have been plenty of time to finish it. Anyway, he referred us to another guy who could maybe do it sooner. This third guy, Dick, came out to see the room the very next day, then came over to give us an estimate 4 days later. His estimate came in 15% cheaper than contractor #2's estimate and Dick said he could start on Monday (last week). Woohoo! So how he's been working on it all last week, and will probably have it finished by Wednesday. That means we could very well be painting this weekend! Then comes new trim and carpet and we can move in and start the nursery! At least there is a light at the end of the tunnel now! I can't wait to have the nursery done so James can set up the furniture and I can start putting things away!

Yesterday was very productive, baby wise. I got a TON of maternity clothes from my mom's cousin's daughter-in-law. Since I'm plus sized, I didn't think I'd be getting any hand-me-down maternity clothes, but she just happens to be my size (on the top anyway, her pants were all too big for me), so I got 14 shirts from her! They're cute too! She also gave me two car seat covers, one for fall and one for winter, along with a bunch of tips on having a newborn. She also said we could borrow her bassinet if we decide to use one. We're not sure yet, but it's nice to know it's there if we need it! We also got some cute baby boy clothes at some garage sales, as well as a Diaper Champ. I'm glad we found teh Diaper Champ, because we weren't sure if we were going to use any type of diaper pail, but since it was only $5, I figured why not try it?

Our next doctor appointment is on May 20th, and it'll be a long one. We'll have our regular appointment, then I'll do my glucose test. I have to drink a soda and then just sit there for an hour doing nothing. Then they draw my blood and tell me whether or not I have gestational diabetes. At that appointment, I'll also have to have my RhoGAM shot since my blood is RH negative. I am not really looking forward to it. The only good thing will be hearing the monkey's heartbeat again. I do love hearing that little flutter!

Well, that's all for now. I'll try to update more often (more than every four weeks like it has been).

24 weeks!

2009-04-07T08:14:00.002-05:00

Today is somewhat of a milestone. I'm 24 weeks today. Today, our little monkey is considered viable. Of course, if I were to go into labor, I still would be terrified because it would be way to early for him to be born without some sort of permanent damage if he even survived, but the doctors would now be obligated to do whatever they could to keep him alive.

Two more weeks until I'm on to the third trimester... eek! That means we're having a baby in like three and a half months.

I don't really have any updates. I've been feeling him move around a lot more and I'm starting to feel some actual kicking. Last night I was having some moderate cramping, which sort of freaked me out, but I'm sure it's probably just my uterus (and the baby, of course) growing.

I am working on getting some belly pics up. I have pictures of me at 17 weeks (pretty much nothing there), 22 weeks (a little more, but still not much) and yesterday at 24 weeks. The picture I took yesterday is really the first picture where you can actually tell I am pregnant, and not just really thick in the middle.

21 Weeks!

2009-03-17T20:09:00.003-05:00

Wowza! It's been a long time. I have neglected my blog for two whole months. Oops.

So much has happened in the past few months:

I am feeling SO much better. I got sick on Saturday, but that was the first time I actually threw up in probably a month. Pregnancy is much more enjoyable now. I'm starting to show a little and I can't walk past a mirror without checking out my little bump! Last weekend at my Grandma's birthday party, my aunt and cousin were the first to rub my belly. I know this annoys most pregnant women, but I have to admit, I loved it.

On March 9th we had our big ultrasound. After much deliberation, we decided to find out the baby's sex. Turns out we'll be having the first Richter grandson! We both totally thought it was a boy. We have a name for him and everything now (well, the middle name is still in the works). It's nice that he has more of an identity now. I love our little baby boy a little more every day. This is just such an amazing time.

We're going in for another ultrasound on Monday because the tech couldn't get a good enough picture of the heart and where the umbilical cord attaches. But when the nurse called and said the doctor had looked at the u/s photos, she said that everything looks great!

We're currently trying to find a good contractor to do the work on the bedroom that will be the master bedroom, so that we can move in to that room and make our current room the nursery. I feel like we are WAY behind. I should have started so much sooner, but I seriously had no energy. I'd come home from work and nap for a few hours, then have supper and veg for the rest of the night. I am now trying to take advantage of my easy work schedule (off at 3pm). I am hoping we can get this remodeling show on the road and be done before school is over at the end of May.

I am starting to really feel pregnant. I am having round ligament pain (aka lightning crotch - annoying but bearable), and I can feel him moving around once in a while, which is an amazing feeling. I have trouble finding a comfortable position to sleep in at night, but once I fall asleep, I generally sleep pretty well. Although my belly is getting bigger, I am proud to say that I am NOT one of those annoying pregnant women who never take their hands off of their belly. I really get annoyed when I see women do that, especially when they are in their first trimester and are clearly just bloated. Why would you want to rub your bloat? Honestly. Oh, and did I mention that I am much less tolerant of peoples' stupidity lately? And I'm much more up-front with people. I hope I'm not coming across as bitchy... well, actually, I don't really care. At least I have an excuse, right?

Well, that's all for now. I'll try to update this thing a little more in the future.

I'm back!

2009-01-07T21:54:00.002-06:00

It appears as though I went on a bit of a hiatus from blogging. I think it's simply because I've been so tired and lethargic lately. Ah, the joys of pregnancy (along with heartburn, back aches, nausea, sore breasts, cramping, etc, etc...). But my morning sickness has died of late, so it's been more of the kind of pregnancy I envisioned. More enjoyable.

We had an ultrasound yesterday!!! It was so fun, but the way we came about getting the U/S was anything but fun. I was in a small car accident last week, and I didn't really worry about anything until I started cramping a little more than usual, and the cramps were more intense. So I called the doc and they had me come in yesterday. He asked me a few questions and said that we'd try to find the heartbeat with the doppler, and if we couldn't then we'd have an ultrasound. Since I was 11 weeks, we all figured that we'd be able to hear the heartbeat via doppler. Well, needless to say, the doc couldn't find the heartbeat. I was fighting back tears as he explained to me what a heartbeatless ultrasound could mean. So we went to the main clinic to ge the U/S. The tech was very quiet, and he immediately told us that he couldn't really tell us anything. Then he started looking, and I couldn't see anything (of course, I didn't know what I was looking at). Then he zoomed in a bunch and there it was! A little tiny baby - our baby. I instantly saw a little flutter that I knew had to be the heartbeat. Then we saw our very active little one flailing it's tiny arms around. I asked the U/S tech if that was the baby moving, more to get him to say something, anything, because he'd been silent the entire time. He said yes, and then he said, "You see that little flickering? That's the baby's heartbeat. It's 160 bpm." Then he took a pic, printed it for us, and called the doc, who told him to tell us the good news and send us home. It was so absolutely amazing. James and I were on cloud 9 the entire rest of the day (and today!).

So here it is, the first real proof that I am indeed pregnant:

Nausea sucks!

2008-12-09T18:13:00.002-06:00

Big time! I am constantly nauseous. Usually, it isn't too bad, but it's there just like a little annoying twinge. Today was pretty bad though. I had horrible heartburn last night and was up sick a few times, so I called in sick to work today. Mostly because I was dead tired, but I also felt like crap. The original plan was just to be a few hours late, but I'm glad I decided to take the whole day instead. Luckilly, watermelon seems to help curb the nausea.

The cravings are starting now too. They aren't quite what I though they would be like. It's like the thing I crave is literally the ONLY thing I can eat at that moment. Period. I am thoroughly convinced that my husband is the best husband ever! He is currently en route to the movie theater to get some popcorn for me. No movie, just popcorn. I realize that it was a totally rediculous request, but he was willing, so hey why not? He made it clear, however, that no one in his family or mine better find out about this. Haha!

Thankfully, the swelling in my legs, ankles, and feet has gone down. Every once in a while, if I'm standing for too long, it comes back, but seems to go away after sitting down for a little bit.

Oh, and I'm exactly 7 weeks today! Our next appointment (where we'll hopefully get to hear the heartbeat!) is two weeks from today.

Here's the thing. I do not like being pregnant. I always thought I would, but I don't. I hate feeling sick and bloated. Everything I've read tells me that the second trimester is better, so I'm hoping I'll like it better then. The end result will be worth it though!!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-11-27T21:35:00.003-06:00

We have so many things to be thankful for! This day has been wonderful, and has really reminded me of all our wonderful blessings.

We told my mom's side of the family that we're pregnant today! I wasn't sure how to do it, so I figured we'd play it by ear. I told my mom she could do it unless someone really set me up. Well, I got set up, so I did it. At the dinner table, we started talking about stuffing our faces, and I said "Oh well, I have an excuse because I'm eating for two." My cousin got it first and said "Are you pregnant?!?" I nodded. Then my aunt looked at me like she thought I was joking. Then she said "Are you really?!" I said yes. Everyone was so excited! My two closest cousins said they were going to throw me a shower and all that good stuff. It was fun to see their reactions since I'm the first out of 6 cousins who have kids to do it on purpose.

Tomorrow we're going to SD to visit James' family. I can't wait to tell his parents. They're going to be so excited!! They love grandkids and can't get enough! I am letting James decide how to tell them, so we'll see what happens. I have a feeling he'll just say "We're pregnant!" or something along those lines, which is fine. His family doesn't appreciate the antics as much as mine does.

First OB visit today!

2008-11-25T19:02:00.002-06:00

We both really really like our OB. One thing that really comforted me is that he is one of the only doctors left that will come in after hours to deliver your baby. He said last year, he only didn't make it to about 3 or 4 of his births.

The appointment took an hour and a half. We gave our medical history to the nurse, and then the doc came in. He gave me a copy of "What to Expect When You're Expecting," which I already own, but I didn't realize he gave me a copy until I looked in the bag that he gave us when we got home. Oh well, now I have two. He explained a lot of stuff to us about the optional tests and what I can and can't do during pregnancy. He told uswhat will happen at each of our appointments. I was a little disappointed that he only plans on doing one ultrasound (unless for some reason more are necessary) at 20 weeks. We have to wait three more months to see our little monkey! Then we listened to see if we could hear a heartbeat, but at 5 weeks, it's just too early. Next, we went to the appointment desk and made our next appointment for December 23rd. Then, we headed to the lab for bloodwork. They drew four tubes of blood and I peed in a cup.

This whole pregnancy thing seems so real now! By the end of the week, both of our entire families will know. I am a little nervous for the next appointment. I know I shouldn't worry because it won't do any good, but I'm so very afraid to have a miscarriage. I am terrified that there won't be a heartbeat at our next appoinment. And even worse, it would happen two days before Christmas. But I know that it's more likely that we will hear the heartbeat and it will be an amazing Christmas present. And by that time, I'll be 9 weeks, so I'll be 3 weeks away from being out of the red zone for a miscarriage.

And good news! No morning sickness... yet. I sure hope it stays that way.

It's Almost Turkey Day!

2008-11-24T19:06:00.002-06:00

I am so excited for Thanksgiving this year for so many reasons. The number one reason being that I have SO much to be thankful for. I have a wonderful husband and family who would do anything for me, and I them. We have so many loved once that we get to spend the holidays with. We own a house and can pay our bills because we both have jobs (which we both love and are good at), which is more than a lot of people can say in this economy. We're having a baby (that still sounds amazing). I can't think of anything more we could ask for. I have to say, life is good. Also, we get out of school at 1pm on Wednesday and no school on Thursday or Friday (paid, baby!). Woohoo!

It was my brother's 21st birthday yesterday. Unfortunately, most of his friends are not 21 yet, so we started out at a restaurant and moved to the bars later. I stayed with him until 1:30 am when he was about ready to pass out and I dropped him off at his apartment. My parents are so glad that I was there to watch over him, and I'm glad I was there because then I knew he was safe. Must be that motherly instinct thing kicking in. He told his (almost) girlfriend and his best friend that he is going to be an uncle. He was so excited.

We gave my brother his gifts and a card from us. Then after he had opened everything, we said we had one more thing for him and gave him another card. It was a happy birthday uncle card. Inside, I wrote "Happy birthday Uncle D! I can't wait to meet you in July! Love your future niece/nephew." He just stared at it for a while and we were all waiting for a reaction, but he wasn't giving us one. I said "Do you get it?" And he was like, "Well, um..." And my mom said, "Happy birthday uncle? Do you get it?" And then he looked up at me and said "Really? You're... really?" I nodded and he got up and hugged me. He was so excited. It was so funny because once for April fools day (a long time ago before I was married), my dad told him that I was pregnant. He totally believed it and felt like an idiot when they said "April fools!" so he didn't believe us at first. LOL!

We've got our first OB appointment tomorrow! I am so excited because we get to talk about our baby! It is going to make it seem more real. I am, however, a little worried. I am afraid that they'll do a blood test and say, "Um... you're not pregnant" or that we'll find out it's ectopic or something else will go wrong. Although I doubt we'll really do anything except talk at this appointment. I don't think the heartbeat can be detected yet, so I'm pretty sure he wont do an ultrasound or anything. I'll let you know how it goes!

What a weekend!

2008-11-22T20:41:00.003-06:00

We told my parents last night! We used the doggie t-shirt again. Might as well get lots of use out of it, right? I think my mom kinda knew what was up because I kept asking if my dad was going to be home that night because we wanted to visit (his work schedule kept changing). When my dad called to tell me he was home, I told him that we were going to come over to show them a really cute shirt that I had bought for Gizmo. So we got in, Gizmo went straight to my dad, as always, and my dad read his shirt outloud. It was great! My dad was totally surprised. He said he'd been wondering when we were going to pop one out! We also gave them their little gifts: A onesie that reads "What happens at Grandma's stays at Grandma's" and a bib that says "If you think I'm cute, you should see my Grandpa." Then my mom went upstairs and surprised us with a little newborn onesie that says "Meet your new boss." LOL! Apparently they had bought it at a street fair they went to in July and figured they'd be able to give it to us eventually.

And today, I told two of my best friends. I called G yesterday and she called me back today (she lives 4 hours away). I lead with "Holy crap I can't believe my little brother is turning 21 tomorrow" and then after we talked about that for a little while I said "And guess what else? I'm pregnant!" She started screaming and saying OMG (she literally said OMG, not oh my God, gotta love her). She was totally not expecting it because she didn't know we were trying (I didn't want to tell everyone). She was so excited! It was definitely the reaction I was hoping for. I was a little nervous to tell her because she is in a totally different place in her life.

Telling G was really fun, so I decided to call K (who lives an hour away). She knew we were trying and I was afraid she would know exactly why I was calling, so right after she answered I said "Guess what? I'm pregnant!" She was soooo excited, but I knew she would be. She was telling me how she can't wait to go maternity/baby shopping with me. She does photography (and did videography at our wedding), so she told me that she wants to take the baby pictures. My sister-in-law is also a photographer, so we'll have plenty of photos between the two of them.

This is all so much fun! Next up, my brother tomorrow!

I told James!

2008-11-21T09:19:00.008-06:00

It felt so good to finally be able to tell someone. Here's how it all went down: (I c&p'd most of it from the Nest MM board)

His flight was delayed for about 45 minutes. Good thing I had been checking the flight status online or I would have been sitting there in the airport for a while. Once his flight finally came in around 10:15 PM, we went home and everything went as planned. The first thing he did when he walked into the house was let the dog out of his kennel. He fussed over him for a bit and said "What does your shirt say?" Then he read it out loud, "My mommy is pregnant and all I got was this t-shirt." Then he looked at me with this really excited and loving face and said "We are?!?!" I said yes, and of course, started crying. He dropped the dog and came over and hugged and kissed me for like 5 minutes. I had to tell him to not squeeze me so hard. Haha. It was a wonderful, cheesy, and perfect moment. Then I told him all about how I found out and who our doctor is, etc. He could not believe that I was able to keep it a secret for so long. He also said he was really surprised that I hadn't told my mom yet, but I am really glad that I told him first.

I hope telling everyone else will be as fun as telling James was. We talked a little about how and when we will announce it to our families. We're thinking that we'll do it over Thanksgiving. I know it's early in the pregnancy, but Christmas is still very much up in the air as to who we will see, but we will be seeing literally everyone for Thanksgiving. Plus, I am very close to my whole family (aunts, uncles, the whole shebang) so I don't think I could keep it from them. Plus, I'd want their support if something were to happen.

Here are those pictures that I told you all I'd post:

And I want to say thank you to all my MM ladies for helping me through those LONG three days while DH was gone. You guys are the best!

4 weeks!

2008-11-19T12:11:00.006-06:00

Wow, this is all so unreal. I'm pregnant. I thought I'd never be able to say those words.

James comes home tomorrow, thank goodness. I only have to hold out until 9:30ish tomorrow night! There's no way I could last any longer. I NEED to tell someone, but I can't because I want James to be the first to know. He is my baby daddy after all :)

I bought this shirt for Gizmo:

After I pick James up from the airport and we get home, he'll go in the house, let Gizmo out of his kennel. Gizmo will be wearing this shirt, and voila! I cannot wait to see his reaction! I also bought him a father-to-be book along the lines of "What to Expect When You're Expecting," which I also own :) I just need to finish reading it now that I actually am expecting.

I scheduled my first OB appointment yesterday. It's on Tuesday. Then my OB, Dr. Millette, actually called me on my cell phone to tell me my due date and ask how I've been feeling. I felt good about that. It makes me think that he'll really personalize this experience for us. I can't wait to meet him!

I didn't really realize how quickly pregnancy symptoms show up. I'm only 4w1d and already by boobs hurt. Well, the right one is fine, but the left one is trying to kill me. I've been really gassy. Today I accidentally burped at school (just a little burp, not like a belch) and one of my students who sits right next to my desk heard it. He said, "Mrs. R!" I was like, "Um... excuse me." I never burp. Ever. And I'm hungry every few hours. There's a few more things that would definitely qualify as TMI so, I'll leave those out. No morning sickness yet, but I'm sure it will come soon. I couldn't be more thrilled to have all these symptoms. I'll even take morning sickness if I have to. It will be worth it.

Um... holy crap!

2008-11-18T08:31:00.003-06:00

I'm pregnant!

This morning, I woke up and my temp was still up, so I decided to take one of my internet cheapo pregnancy tests. I saw a very very faint line that didn't show up for about 6 minutes. I figured it was an evaporation line, so I pulled out a Dollar Tree test and it had an even more faint line than the last one. So I used another internet cheapie. And since I didn't believe the first three, I used a digital. When I read the words "Pregnant" on the digital test, I lost it. I started crying and saying "I'm pregnant!" over and over and over. I think my dog thought I was crazy.

Wow. I can't believe it. I'm on cloud nine. Seriously.

James is still in New Mexico. I definitely want to tell him in person, so I'm going to wait until I pick him up from the airport. I want to see his face when I tell him. How the heck am I supposed to keep this a secret for three days!?!?! I'm sure I'll be writing on here a lot to get it all out since I have no one to tell.

Apparently pregnancy symptoms happen right away because, man, I am so hungry! I just ate breakfast an hour and a half ago!

Obsessed

2008-11-16T15:51:00.005-06:00

Today I went to a surprise 60th birthday party for my aunt. Lots of people were there from her side of the family and from her husbands side. This included lots of little ones. I overheard one lady (I had no idea who she was) telling my cousin how her daughter is pregnant with twins. My cousin is pregnant (it was an oops with a guy she met only a few months before), and she was there. My other cousin does daycare and lots of her daycare families were there. Plus a ton of other little kids that I didn't know, along with all my cousin's kids. This was very difficult for me.

My feelings on having children has drastically changed in the past few years. I've always known I wanted to have kids. I went through a baby crazy stage right after our wedding in '07. I knew it wasn't the right time though, because I was was more excited about being pregnant, and didn't think much about actually having the baby around. Now, I just want a baby. I don't know if I'll be able to wait for 9 + months (the + is because who knows when we'll get pregnant). I know how much my husband wants to be a father, and this is very hard for me because I feel like I am letting him down. Every time that dreaded time of the month comes, the first words out of my mouth to him are "I'm sorry." It's amazing what we women blame ourselves for.

I never knew this would be so hard. I mean, I was educated about the subject. I read up on it, I know how to chart my basal body temp, I know the types of fertile CM (sorry, TMI), and I know the ovulation signs that my body gives me. I have about 8 cousins (I have a big family) who accidentally got pregnant, all of them more than once, and all of them not married for at least the first unplanned pregnancy. They weren't even trying. I figured it'd be easy, two or three months and I'd be knocked up. Both of my SILs who have kids got pregnant right away. I had no reason to think it would take this long. Here I am on cycle 5/6 and on the verge of 6/7. I don't know if it's 5 or 6. I tend to want to pick the lower number as to not freak myself out so much. We started not avoiding in June, but we started timing it right in July, hence my confusion.

If you are interested, I have a link to my chart on the right side of this blog. I am not optimistic. I know my temp hasn't dipped below coverline yet, but it came pretty darn close. It's gone back up a bit, so it could have been an implantation dip, but I doubt it. I hate how I can't stop obsessing about it. At the beginning of my cycle, I'm fine up until about 4 or 5 dpo. Then I am looking so hard for some sort of sign up until AF comes. Every time I get on my computer, I look at my chart, like it's going to change. I don't know what I'm hoping to find. And I have POAS every day for the last three days. In fact, my POAS addiction is so bad that I buy tests in bulk online. I think I have a probelm :oP

I sure hope I get pregnant soon. I don't know how many more months of this I can take.

I want my baby back!

2008-11-12T21:21:00.002-06:00

So yesterday James called and told me they were going to have him stay in Clovis until next Wednesday. Today, he told me he isn't coming back until next Thursday. At this rate, I'll be lucky to see him by Thanksgiving. Grrr...

Here's what I'm hoping for:
Right now I am at 6 dpo. I will probably start testing around 9 or 10 dpo because I can't resist. DH is coming back on what will be 14 dpo. I am hoping that I'll find out I'm pregnant while he's gone and I'll be able to surprise him with a little baby toy or piece of clothing at the airport. Hey, a girl can dream, right? It's about time I get knocked up already. It's been 5 months since we started trying.

I miss my Jamesy!

2008-11-10T08:16:00.003-06:00

I dropped James off at the airport this morning :( I am sort of looking forward to having some time to myself, but at the same time I'm going to really miss him. Yes, I know it's only for 5 days, but I always get this horrible anxiety when he's out of town without me. Like something bad is going to happen. I know it's probably very irrational, but in light of recent events (the unexpected death of my cousin) my anxiety seems to be heightened. Oh well, not much to be done. I might as well enjoy it.

I was thinking about what I should do with my time since James won't be around. I think tonight I'm going to work out (one area in which I've been slacking) and then I'll clean the house (ok, two area's in which I've been slacking). Then, I think I'll catch up on some of my trashy shows and girly movies on DVR. I was considering making wine part of the equation, especially since I got some really good blackberry wine at the Pride of Dakota show this weekend. However, I probably shouldn't just in case this is our month. Wouldn't want to harm any potential babies. I am supposed to test on the 20th, but I highly doubt I'll be able to wait until then.

Happy Friday!!

2008-11-07T15:20:00.003-06:00

Yay for the weekend!

Yesterday, we found out that James has to go to New Mexico for his job for almost a week. He's leaving on Monday :( I am sad and I will miss him, but at the same time, it might be nice to have some time to myself for a little while. I think this might be too much time though. After a day or two I'm sure I'll be ready for him to come home. Whenever he travels for work, I always worry about him. I'm a worry wart. I'm just glad that I already ovulated for the month. We should be done baby dancing by the time he leaves.

Jame and I are going to our local high school's (my alma mater) production of The Hobbit tonight along with my parents. I like going to these things. I mostly like musicals because I was into that kind of thing in high school, but I enjoy plays too.

I go to my old high school once a week to get homework for our students, and while I was there this week, I talked to my old choir director. Ever since I sang at my cousin's funeral on Monday I've been in singing withdrawl. It really made me realize how much I miss it. I asked said choir director what my options are and he recommended that I join a very popular community choir called Master Chorale. I just might. I am going to email my former voice instructor who is a member and ask about the auditioning process. I would prefer solo singing, but I'll take anything.

I was also thinking about contacting the church that my cousin's funeral was at and getting on some kind of list of singers that they call for funeral's and wedding and that kind of stuff. I figured it might be a good way to make some extra money doing something I love, especially when summer comes and I won't be working. I know the Priest at the funeral commented to my aunt that I was a "great vocalist." It's not my church, but I liked singing there because they have a choir loft (unlike my more modern church) and the congregation can't see you, so it helped my nerves. Also, they have an organ (also unlike my church) so it's easy to change keys if the song is too high or low. And the church has amazing acoustics, so it really is nice to sing there.

Well, it's something to think about at least.

Enjoy the weekend!

Yes We Did!

2008-11-05T17:29:00.002-06:00

All I have to say is YAY!

Yay for Obama, yay for the changes he'll make, and yay for getting GW the hell out of there.

And for all those McCain supporters out there. I know it's tough, and I feel for you, but get over it. Now you know how we felt when Bush was elected... TWICE.

That is all.

Back to Life

2008-11-03T19:57:00.002-06:00

Well, today was the funeral. The singing went well. I didn't choke up, my voice just quivered a few times because I was trying to keep from crying. I almost felt a little guilty getting so much attention at my cousin's funeral. Most of my family had never heard me sing before. Those were the best reactions. The organist tried to recruit me for a singing group she's in called the Sweet Adelines. She said they needed a "nice clear lead voice." I'd love to join, but the youngest person in that group is probably 30 years older than me and I think I'd feel weird. My uncle also invited me to join his band, however, I don't really think they play my type of music. And now my two aunts are determined to get me to sing at their church for mass on Sundays. To be honest, I miss all the attention from my singing, but again, I felt guilty.

The bad thing was that I had to sit in the choir loft with only the organist. I felt kind of alone. When I went down and met my family after the funeral, my mom hugged me and I just started balling. Probably because I had to hold it all in while I was singing, so when it was over, I just let it all out. It's amazing how much better a person feels after a funeral. It really does help with closure.

I still can't believe he's gone. We found out that his heart attack was due to something called Fibronous Pericarditis. He had little fibers in the sack around his heart (pericardium) that constrict the heart. I guess something like 90% of people who have this are diagnosed post-mortem.

On a happier note, I got a Kitchen Aid mixer yesterday! I was so excited! My parents bought it for me for my birthday. My birthday isn't until December 26th, but I mentioned that I really wanted to buy one for my holiday baking, and my mom thought it would be a good idea to give it to me as an early birthday present. I already love it so much. I made cookies last night, and today I made onion buns, which turned out more like biscuits, but James loved them. The dough hook is AWESOME! I really like making bread and pizza dough and stuff, but I always hated having to put flour all over the counter and kneed it. Now the dough hook on my KA mixer will do all the work for me! Seriously, if you like to bake and you don't have one, you should.

The week from H-E-L-L

2008-10-30T12:55:00.004-05:00

On Monday morning, I got to work and the teacher said to me, "I can tell this is going to be one of those days." It wasn't for me, but on Tuesday things really went downhill. Said teacher was at a conference from Tuesday until this afternoon (after school let out). Thank goodness he'll be back tomorrow because our sub obviously had no idea how to work with ED kids. And on Tuesday we had a new kid who I swear is the spawn of Satan. He, however, won't be here for the rest of the week because he was arrested on Tuesday night for disorderly conduct. So I think the combination of a new kid in class and a substitute teacher made the kids really really act up. It was terrible.

Then after I got home from work, my mom called and said that she and my dad were in the neighborhood and were going to stop by our house for a couple of minutes. I thought it was weird since they have no reason to be in our neighborhood, but I didn't inquire. When they walked in the house, I noticed that my mom's eyes were really red. That's when I knew something was wrong. She told me that her sister called her a little while ago and said that my cousin had had a heart attack. I was relieved when I heard that because I thought "Oh good, nobody died." My cousin is 32, a heart attack is horrible and a total shock, but not deadly for him. No way. So my first question was "Is he ok?" My mom started crying and my dad told me that he had died. WHAT?!?!?! No. That can't happen. He's too young. I'm shocked.

He was only two years older than my husband. I still have my doubts that it was a heart attack. That is so rare, although I know it does happen. He wasn't even overweight. I'll wait to draw my conclusions until the autopsy results come back, but I'm thinking that it was either an aneurysm or he had some sort of underlying heart condition that had gone undetected.

The rest of the week has been kind of a blur. Yesterday my aunt called me to ask if I'd sing at the funeral. I said yes, of course. There is no way I could have said no. My cousin was a mechanic and he always fixed my car for little or no cost. And my aunt always came to my recitals and musicals to hear me sing. I am so happy that I get to do this honor for them both. I am super nervous though. I haven't sang publicly in over 5 years! And I just know I'm going to choke up, but I don't think anyone will blame me if I do. I hope I can get through it. The funeral is on Monday, so I have all weekend to learn the songs.

This weekend can't come soon enough.

It's going to be an interesting week

2008-10-27T21:26:00.006-05:00

The teacher I work with is going to be gone tomorrow thru Thursday, so he got a sub. Now, keep in mind that I work in a classroom with only emotionally disturbed kids, most of whom already have issues with authority. Add to this the fact that I will be working one-on-one with one of the kids in another room for the next three days, so this poor sub will have to be all alone. Not only that, but we're getting a new kid tomorrow too. We have no idea what this kid is like, but we've been told that he's very detached from other people and thinks of them more as objects. Should be an interesting week.

On another note, I've been having slight cramping ever since AF started. AF ended five days ago, and I'm still cramping. This scares me because it's never happened before. I also have been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately, although I don't know if the two are related. I am so terrified that there is something wrong with me that will hinder our ttc efforts, and this doesn't help.

My workout went really well today! I can't believe how much I am enjoying the cardio. I sort of want an iPod (well, a new one because my old one is crapping out) now so that I can listen to music while I work out. It just might go on my Christmas/birthday list. I have to combine the two since my birthday is the day after Christmas. But I digress. I think I am going to go to the gym tomorrow too, but just do cardio, no weights. I've actually gained three lbs. I'm not sure if this is because my eating sucks so bad or if I'm gaining muscle (I was able to add more weight to all the machines I did today except one!), I'm hoping the latter. My eating wasn't bad today. I guess I just have to take it one day at a time. I am totally motivated for my re-evaluation in 6 weeks! Then I'll find out if I'm losing body fat.

Snow, Snow, Go Away!

2008-10-26T11:39:00.004-05:00

It snowed today! That's what I get for living in the frozen tundra of ND. Ugh. Luckilly, it melted shortly after. I hope it stays gone for Halloween. I used to hate having to wear snowpants under my Halloween costume.

I am SO tired today. For some reason, I could not fall asleep last night. I didn't end up getting to sleep until 2:30 am, and even then I did not sleep well. I don't know what's up, but I'm not liking it. Last night was the worst it's been, but I've been having trouble sleeping all week.

During my fit of insomnia last night, I decided to pick up a book that I've been "reading" for quite some time now. I started it over a year ago, and then a lot of stressful stuff happened and I stopped reading for quite some time. This is evidence that I am so much happier now. Since quitting my crappy job that I hated, I've been exercising, now I'm reading again, I feel like my relationship with my husband and my family has improved. Not one day goes by where I don't thank God that I got out of there when I did. I was so depressed.

Speaking of exercise, I can't wait to go to the gym tomorrow! Now if only I could get my eating under control. Having all this damn Halloween candy around isn't helping. Tomorrow I'm really going to start kicking myself in the butt. Wish me luck (and motivation)!

Personal Trainers & Cataracts

2008-10-25T19:27:00.004-05:00

On Friday I had my first appointment with my personal trainer. It went well. She said she loves my positive attitude. I just hope it can stay positive. Yesterday after I got done working out, I felt so great. I can't believe that I am actually enjoying exercising. I've never been one of those people before. I am afraid, however, that this is just another phase and that it will pass. I will have to do whatever I can to keep motivated. Now I just need to get my eating on track. I do fine for breakfast and lunch, but then in the evening I totally blow it.

I also had an eye appointment yesterday. I found out that I have cataracts at 23. Not the same kind of cataracts that old people have though. The doc said that I was born with them (apparently he'd known about this for quite a long time and just never mentioned it before). When the lens is developing, it is in three sections, which go on to "sutcher" (his words) themselves together. Apparently, on my lenses, where these sections connect, I have some cloudyness. Technically, cloudyness on the lens is a cataract. Ipso facto, I have cataracts. He said that it doesn't affect my vision, and won't cause me to need cataract surgery any sooner than the average person. So I guess it's really no big deal.

I'm really enjoying my long weekend! It's gone too fast! I can't believe tomorrow is already Sunday!

Long weekend baby!

2008-10-22T16:43:00.003-05:00

School was dismissed today at 1pm, and there is no school tomorrow or Friday! Yay for a long weekend! Oh how I love having a school schedule again. One of the many things that I love about my job. And DH works all weekend except Friday so I have the house to myself! I think I am going to rent a few Wii games and some chick flicks and just veg. Oh, and sleep in! I am definitely looking forward to it!

Fitness Evaluation

2008-10-20T17:31:00.003-05:00

Ok, here's some backstory to this post:
I am overweight. I could stand to lose about 70 lbs (yikes). I was about 50 lbs lighter at my wedding, and I felt great, so if I could get back there I'd be thrilled.

Here's the rest:
Last month, I joined a gym with my mom. This gym requires you to have an initial fitness evaluation, and then you can be re-evaluated every once in a while to see your progress. The physical therapist (Jeff) did a body fat test (the pinch kind), some flexibility stuff, some heart rate related tests, etc... I felt like he was very thorough. He had another PT shadowing him (Jennifer) who had just been hired. They were both really really nice.

After he gave me my results, he asked me if there were any obstacles that I'd like to discuss. I told him that James and I are TTC, and I'm so glad I did. He told me that he'd research it more. Jennifer, however, needed to do no research. She told me that she was in the same position as me where she was TTC and trying to lose weight at the same time because they were having trouble. Jeff then handed me over to her because she knows exactly what I'm going through. My next appointment with her is on Friday. I am so happy about this because she will help me know what I should/should not do, what my HR should stay at, etc.

This cycle has been such an emotional roller coaster. I think I am a lot more emotional during this AF than any other I've had. We've only been trying for four cycles (this will be our fifth) and I know it's not that long, but then something will happen to scare the ever lovin' sh!t out of me, and then I'll think it's not a big deal again. For example, I had my annual exam and my nurse practitioner told me to see a doc if I haven't conceived after six months. That freaked me out. Then I found out that it took my mom almost a year to get pg with my brother, and I felt better. Then, today, after I told Jeff and Jennifer that we'd been trying since July, they both started telling me about each of their struggles with TTC. They really acted like four months was a long time and that I was having "trouble" getting pg. Then I was freaked out again. Plus, this is the first time that I really admitted that my weight could very well be the problem, and that makes me feel horrible.

My Intro

2008-10-19T21:56:00.000-05:00

I decided to jump on the Google blog bandwagon! I don't really have much to say since I just updated my old blog, but this is where I'll be blogging from this point on. Here is a link to my past blogs: http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/blogs/rachaelnicole/default.aspx

Here are the things that I like to blog about:
Our ttc journey
Weight loss
Remodeling
Work
Money
Cooking
...and pretty much everything else that crosses my mind.

I just like to get my thoughts out! Thanks for reading!